Are you experienced?

With the release of the Eat Pray Love (or is it Eat Love Pray?) major motion picture ("The amazing adventure of a middle-class white woman who talked her publisher into bankrolling a scripted adventure"), India-tripping is set to become a middle-class fad for the first time since the days of the 70s Overland Chapatti Express.  Except this time, instead of tie-dyed trippies, it will be mani-pedi suburban women seeking "adventure."  

It's always fun to watch the first-timers, fresh off the plane and perfectly accessorized, stumble over the inconvenient realities India inserts into their internal movies (Internal movie script: "Here I am, in front of the Taj Mahal. No, the Taj Mahal is for tourists; I'm not a tourist! Here I am in my spiritual clothes, being spiritual in an ashram.").   

But before they make the great voyage, clutching hand-bound blank books just brimming with the promise of fascinating journal entries,  there are questions. Lots of them.  After reading the India travel forums Indiamike.com and Lonely Planet's Thorn Tree (India branch) for years, here are some of the best, along with some of the best responses. 

Top 5 Stupidest Questions Ever Asked on Lonely Planet's
Thorn Tree India forum or IndiaMike

(and I am not making any of these up)
5. "Can you get a Starbucks Chai Latte in India?"

-This one, actually, left even me speechless.

4. "Is is safe to be seen publicly reading a copy of Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses"?

-This is India, not Saudi Arabia. 

-No. In fact, you will be publicly dragged into the maidan and flayed alive by the angry mobs.

3. "What is the language spoken by the Babas and Sadhus of India?"
-According to my inlaws, it's Rupees.
--Yes, that's the language and the new mantra too!
---I think you are underestimating the sadhus. I am sure they are multilingual, and their dialects includes GBP, USD, JPY, DM etc.

2. "Would it be socially acceptable for me to listen to a Walkman or I-Pod with headphones on a train in India? I know the people are talkative and they might consider it anti-social?"
-I'd like to see the Ipod that could stop an Indian from asking questions.

 

and Number One....
1. "Is it true that in the Madras Zoo, you can see a Tamil Tiger?"
-Yes, they are readily identifiable by the blood on their hands. 

So, there you have it.  With the imminent arrival of the ELPs (Eat Love Pray crowd), I look forward to a new and better crop of victims contenders. 

A fireside chant

An exotic Christmas on the cheap
Thamel, Kathmandu

There is a roaring fire here in the lobby, and a roaring plasma-screen TV showing BBC to give electro warmth. But why, or more importantly HOW, the hell is it raining in late December (ie, today) in the Kathmandu Valley? This region famously has no precipitation from, say, early October to late March at the very least, maybe even later.

Phooey.

We (friends and I) managed to make yesterday fun, despite the glaring lack of immediate family. Rene, Amy and I went out carousing for inexpensive presents. Whoever is running Thamel these days (I think it's a war between the gangs and the Bahun-Chhetri dominated Thamel Tourism Development Corporation) decided to do what they should do every day of the year - block off Thamel to large vehicle traffic. Read: we could walk the streets and window shop without fear of being mowed down by a speeding taxi or SUV, careening down narrow ancient streets that were made for pedestrians, bullock carts and bicycles.

BRAVO, TTDC or whoever did this. For once, people could shop and enjoy the cornucopia of Exotic Cool Affordable Stuff that Thamel offers, from handmade yak milk soaps to calendars of Tibetan Thangka paintings, to 100% hemp woven house-slippers to pashmina (or sometimes "pashmina") shawls. I actually noticed shoppes that I have been walking past for years and just never could stand still long enough to see.

The aura in the streets was one of festivity and genuine friendliness. We were approached by one family with a small daughter who wanted to take "our daughter's picture with different-looking people," so we obliged by holding little Anya as the parents took snaps.

I also noticed none of the major street "hawkers" (Tiger Balm madam??) seemed to be out, though my friends and I did get approached to buy "hasheeeeeeesh" a few times. During the day there were processions by the local Newar youth in traditional costume, playing Dhimay Bhaje, with the Gandarbhas playing sarangi. I found it cute that the locals found a way to participate in Christmas and make the "foreigner" neighborhood festive, without ever being tacky, overtly commercial or in-your-face.

Multiculturalism appeared to be good for business. Several restaurants offered special Christmas dinners, usually including turkey and pumpkin pie. I had the Northfield's pumpkin pie which was more like punkin' puddin' with crust around it, but then, I never had a pumpkin pie I could really complain about. And even random Nepali families who had nothing to gain monetarily seemed to enjoy wishing us "Happy Christmas." Or, as the hand-painted sign at Tom & Jerry's said, "Happy Christmas Merry."

I was also glad the Hindu fundamentalists weren't all up in the air (as they may have been in parts of India) about observation of Christmas. Obviously, all the salaried office workers were happy to get yet more days off. And like Dasain, Christmas has become a pan-cultural holiday that one can observe as religiously or un-religiously as one likes. I didn't see any non-pagan Christmas decor - it was all trees, Santas, presents and stars.

Down by Narsingh Chowk there was a techno-street party complete with female Nepali DJ on the stage and boomin' music. Fortunately it didn't seem to get too rowdy...at least while we were there. Thamel is sufficiently chock-full of places selling alcohol that there's no need to sell beer on the street, for crying out loud.

My contribution to the Nepal economy, in the form of presents for friends, included: one handmade stuffed animal made of woollen felt for my 3 year old friend; two Thangka calendars; one copy of the Tenzin Palmo bio Cave in the Snow; one bar of handmade Rose soap; one packet of locally made incense; and a box of Indian sweets (doda barfi, chocolate barfi and moong dal barfi) to share with all and sundry. The most expensive present in the lot cost 500NRs (about $6.00).

In the footsteps

Gandhi's Ghosts
Delhi

Thanks to my incredible lack of foresight, I have only a minute on the laptop battery this time, but that's enough to tell about a very overlooked, and centrally located, Delhi historical site.

Most guidebooks mention Raj Ghat, the location where Mahatma Gandhi was cremated. (This site was in the news in 2006 when George W. Bush paid a visit. Some people complained about the hypocrisy. I think, if anyone ever needed to get Gandhi's vibes, it would be Dubya.)

But very few guidebooks (none that I have yet seen) seem to mention Gandhi Smriti. This is the house and gardens where Gandhi was assassinated by a Hindu nationalist hardliner, and died on 30 January, 1947. The road is now called Tees January Marg (30th January Road). The building was formerly known as Birla House. For various reasons (explained in the exhibit) Gandhi stayed, for the final 144 days of his life, as a guest of the wealthy Birla industrialists, rather than among the poorer neighborhoods as was his habit.

Admission is free, which seems appropriate, but I certainly wouldn't mind paying a bit to support it.

It's more than worthy of your time. At the moment, Gandhi Smriti hosts an exhaustive photo exhibit of events leading up to the 1857 War of Independence (formerly called the Sepoy Mutiny). It all looked very informative but I just could not digest all the historical information in one standing - I was too overcome with Gandhi's vibe.

I'm neither one of those foreign Gandhi-worshippers who think he was a saint, nor one of the cynics who takes joy in poking holes in him. To me he was a man, and that makes what he achieved and represented all the more amazing.

I am also aware that some historians, and Indians, and Indian historians, say he and his contributions aren't all they were cracked up to be. I'm sure they have a point, and someday I will get around to reading the rebuttals. But today I just bathed in Gandhi's energy, which is still all over the room and garden.

Especially moving is a glass wall case holding his very few worldly possessions, including the famous pair of round eyeglasses. I got a weird flash-forward (or is it backward?) to John Lennon and his schoolboy specs.

In keeping with Hindu tradition (but rather eerie for those not accustomed to this) are the footsteps set in stone, in the shape of traditional wooden sandals. I think they are called paduka. They immortalize Gandhi's last walk from the ground-floor room, where he lived on a jute mat and mattress on the floor, to the garden for the final prayer meeting.

A flowering tree with vivid pink blooms grows right above the doorway, showering petals down on the path. I picked up a handful and placed one on each paduka. I was surprised that more offerings weren't there. The exact spot where Gandhi fell (uttering "hey Ram") is marked with a marble column.

The final panel in the Independence exhibit was headed, "Let it not be said that Gandhi was party to India's vivisection." He is then quoted as saying something along the lines of "I pray that God not let me see the division of India" (Partition of India and Pakistan). Since I am neither Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Muslim nor Hindu, I can't explain logically the very deep resistance and resentment I have always felt about the Partition. But at least I know I am not alone in my strong feelings.

A power cut stopped short my viewing of the indoor exhibits, which seemed strangely appropriate. And so, too, is my laptop battery cutting short this post.

Taj mirage

Smog gets in your eyes
Agra, Uttar Pradesh

As fate would have it, I ended up being convinced to go along with my new friends to Agra, to see the Taj Mahal (for the first time). We just barely managed to catch the 4.15 train leaving from Nizamuddin Station in Delhi. I wouldn't recommend it for a longer journey (say, an 18-hour train ride), but "ordinary sleeper" is just fine for 3 hour trip and provided my friends with their first-ever Indian Railways experience, while I crashed out on the top bunk.

"Seeing" the Taj was only partially successful. Even when you're standing near it, it doesn't seem real, hazy as the polluted air is. The people who complain about the pollution in Agra are not exaggerating. It's all you can do to see or get a clear photo of the most famous monument in the world. At first, we thought it was just the north-Indian morning mist. So romantic!

After a few hours it became obvious that the mist was not going to burn off. It was semi-permanent haze. All our photos are in soft focus. This same pollution is evidently damaging the white marble permanently.

Perhaps something so hyped up can't help but be a disappointment. I have a few more grouses:

- Why is so much of the monument closed off? There are all kinds of upstairs balconies, adjacent buildings with turrets and towers and the four minarets. None of them are open for viewing (except the main rooms of the 2 flanking mosques, which in a way I liked better than the Taj itself).

-The museum, which is meant to be included in the huge ticket price (750Rs, about 300Rs more than it's worth) is closed now for repair. Of course, no one warns you of this when they sell you the ticket.

-The city immediately around the Taj ("Taj Ganj") is a very unpleasant, broken-down, dilapidated area. All manner of blocky concrete buildings have been allowed to spring up, which obscure any distant view (or any view at all) of the Taj itself. It certainly doesn't feel like the entrance way to one of the wonders of the architectural world, let alone to the universally recognized symbol of India. Ick.

-For ALL the money being dumped into it every single day, the waterways (an essential element of Mughal architecture) should have been restored by now. Fountains, channels, reflecting pools and so on.

-The explanatory plaques are so verbose and badly written as to be unreadable. I tried to read one of them twice and felt like I had been hit over the head with a thesaurus. I actually felt more confused after reading it than before.

-Inside the tomb itself there is absolutely no artificial light. You really can't see and appreciate the intricate stone inlay work the tomb is so famous for. And the centrepieces, which are the cenotaphs of the Emperor and his favourite wife, are nearly invisible. A wooden screen has been built around the original marble jali screen that prevents you from getting anywhere near the detailed work. Since you are not allowed to bring in any bags at all, none of us had our flashlights to illuminate the interior. Disappointing.

On the plus side:
-Everyone we encountered in Agra, including the persistent touts, were very kind and pleasant. The rickshaw pullers, the hotel guys, the police at the gate of the Taj, everyone was really lovely. Of course many were pushy with their sales technique, but they did take no for an answer...after about half an hour.

(However, they are allowed to solicit you right up to the bag check room at the Taj Gates. I mean, almost as you are checking in your bags, they are still pleading with you.)

-Best thing to do is arrive very early, about 7am, and wander around the outside rose garden at the West Gate. (Just pay the gardener, who appears magically from the mist, 50rs or so "as you like"). The mist (as opposed to smog) is still on the ground, the roses were in full bloom, and the Hindu temple next door set up a lovely wail of devotional music just as the sun was rising.

This was really the best moment of the day.

-You get great perspectives of the Taj itself by going into the 2 mosques flanking it from either side. They are warm brown sandstone and have the feeling of chocolate cakes placed next to the Taj's frothy wedding cake. Views of the Taj from inside these mosques are some of the more well-known images of the building.

-A community of craftsmen are still hard at work chipping and carving away, to restore various panels on the outbuildings. It is mind-boggling to watch the precise "chink, chink, chink" of the shilpas, changed so little since the days of Mumtaz Mahal. For some reason, the ASI has put up signs saying "construction and renovation work in progress, no photography allowed" - I can't imagine why not. India is the last place in the world that still has all the masters of these traditional skills, and watching them at work is a real delight for those of us from mass-produced societies.

So, we snapped some photos of the craftsmen anyway, before some fat bearded guy chased us off.

-Even when it is crowded, the structures are so vast that the people seem like scurrying ants. In fact some of the better photos we got show visitors floating through the oceans of marble terraces and platforms, dwarfed by the minarets and walls.

-I was also happy to see quite a few less-affluent Indians, who seemed to have come from villages, enjoying the Taj, dressed as they were in colourful Rajasthani turbans and flowing dhotis. One defense of the outrageously high entrance fee is that it "subsidizes the poor Indians." Of course, it is not my responsibility to do that, any more than it is an Indian tourist's job to subsidize poor Americans, but I was glad to see that perhaps the inflated foreign fees do help some less fortunate Indians enjoy such an experience. The Indian middle class do not seem eager to step forward and subsidize this activity themselves, as is their civic duty.

-One thing I didn't manage to do (this time) was cross the Yamuna river and view the Taj from that vantage point. An enterprising local was offering camel rides there over on the sandy river bank. Another guy is offering rowboat rides past the Taj from that side.

We did notice that, on the Taj side, down by the river bank, there were sandbagged soldiers with machine guns camped out. Sad, but a reality. Anything that is a symbol "of India" these days (like the India Gate I saw a few days ago) has to be carefully guarded.

From racing to get the train and then getting up so early, I was too burned out to take in the Agra Fort or Fatehpur Sikri. Maybe some other time. My friends and I were on a tight schedule but I think the best thing would be to rent a bicycle and explore all the historic monuments at a leisurely pace, for a day or two.

"Better than Disneyland"

Breaking in the newbies, aka, Day Tripper
Old Delhi

Really, really wiped out after a full day of sight-seeing (yes, sight-seeing - I've never done this in Delhi) with 2 brand newcomers, Jeff (Canada) and Susanna (Holland), both of whom just arrived at about 4am this morning. It was great fun to see India through the eyes of total newbies, and for my hard-earned local knowledge to be appreciated, but I am exhausted.

I set out a blueprint for "your first day in Delhi" at about 11am, and we followed it almost to the letter. I am glad to say it worked out very well, especially considering it was all stuff I've never done before.

Goes something like this:

1-Ignore the hotel's insistance that you take a taxi tour of the city (all day for "only" 750 Rs, or nearly $20 US). The rickshaws - auto and cycle - are a great intro to India and are part of the fun. And, we saved about $16 by taking them!

2- Autorickshaw to the Red Fort . --From Paharganj, 40Rs. According to Jeff, just the auto ride was "better than anything at Disneyland!" It was fun seeing the chaos, cows and oxcarts through the eyes of newcomers.

It was their first-ever auto ride - they had arrived from the airport in proper taxis.

3-Red Fort - for foreigners, 100Rs or $2.50. A good start, but frankly Humayan's Tomb is better in many ways. The Red Fort, though, is very centrally located and walking distance from 2 more attractions (below).

The secret no one tells you about the Red Fort is that the best part is outside. That gate, and those walls, extending forever it seems. Seeing it from the steps of the Jamma Masjid is awe inspiring. It's really all downhill from there!

4-Walk directly across the street (an adventure for Jeff and Susanna) dodging traffic to the Jain Temple and Bird Hospital. (Voluntary donation; I gave 10rs).

Note: if you are going into the Bird Hospital, do not leave your shoes at the temple gate like they ask you to. The birdhouse floors, as you can imagine, are filthy and wet.

The Bird Hospital housed many many pigeons, quite a few parakeets and the classic green wild parrot, and three forlorn peacocks/peahens. One, the steward told me, had been hit by a golf ball at the Delhi Golf Course. The other 2 had fractured legs from various mishaps.I especially liked the naive-folk wall murals depicting all the heinous fates that can befall a bird. Dog attacks, cat attacks, ceiling and desk fans, hunters, kite entanglement, and so on. I never would have thought of kite entanglement.

There's also a big mural on the office wall showing the Jain legend of a king who sacrificed his life to save a pigeon and a crow. The moment he died, the 2 birds automatically reverted to their true states - they were deities in disguise. The two deities (Indra, god of the heavens, and Varuna, the water god) blessed him and said they had come as birds to test him.

5-Walk most of the way to the Jamma Masjid, the biggest mosque in all India.

6-Finally give up a few 1000 feet from the Masjid entrance and get a cycle rickshaw directly to the gate. Otherwise, it is a long, long slog through a few acres of cheap sweaters and an open-air goat market. --30Rs for three people.

7-Have fun watching the bewilderment and awe on your friends' faces as we approach the enormous, overwhelming front steps of the mosque. It's actually more fortress-like than the Red Fort. "THIS," said Susanna, "is what you imagine India to be." Meaning, I think, ancient buildings, calls to prayer and loads and loads of people swarming every which way.

8-Entrance to the Masjid is free; but depending on the time of day, you must wait for the appropriate time. We had to wait some 30 minutes because prayers were going on. We managed to photograph some shy young ladies seated on the steps, but the elder Muslim ladies with their orange henna hair generally said "no."

Jeff and Susanna were mesmerized by the swarms of activity and people-watching. However, the mosque demands a 200Rs ($5) fee for each camera taken into the mosque. We thought this excessive and eventually decided to pay for only one camera, and share the results.

9-At this point it was 4.30 pm, so we wandered around the vast expanse of red sandstone enjoying that twilight haze. (I think it accompanies a mental haze, but that is still theory.)

10-Beat a retreat out the side entrance - to avoid the madness out front - and go via cycle rickshaw through Chandni Chowk's famous silver jewelry market and flower market, to Haldiram's for dinner. (The ride was an overpriced 50Rs, but we were very very tired at this point, and the driver was a good guide, pointing out stuff to us.)

The back alley markets below Chandni Chowk are fascinating in themselves, and had we not been so tired, we definitely would have gotten down from our chariot and walked around. Maybe some other day.

11-Watch as your friends' eyes widen at the crowds in Haldiram's. Order for them as they have no idea what most of the food is (in fact they requested that I order for them). Send one of them over to fight for a table and hold down the fort till the food comes.

This is the one thing that was not perfect in the day. Haldiram's was tooooo crowded, and I can get a better veg thali elsewhere for half the price (mine was 102Rs). Madan in Paharganj would have been much cheaper, closer to the hotel, and less frantic.

11-Autorickshaw back to Paharganj - perhaps overpriced at 60rs, considering we only paid 40rs to get there in the daytime, but it was nearly 7.30 everyone was asking outrageous prices. The traffic was pretty crazy at this point so the guy had to take a circuitous route.

As am I at this point, so I am signing off for now.